Happiness is an inside job

A lot of times when I’m ruminating about what to write about here, an idea will just sort of bubble up in my consciousness and almost the minute I start thinking deeply about it, it will magically appear everywhere. It’s the kind of serendipity that not only spurs me to begin writing—and reassures me that I’m on the right track—but also reinforces my core belief that when we’re doing life right, we often run into the things we need at just the moment we need them. That’s exactly what happened this month as I was thinking about happiness, a subject I’ve explored often in this blog, and one that seems to me so fascinating and so central to the human condition that I feel compelled to give it another go, maybe from a slightly different angle.

But what to say? In past blogs, I’ve written about the daily habits of joyful people (January 1, 2022), the neuroscience of both happiness (February 1, 2024) and negative thinking (October 15, 2023). What new thing could I possibly add to the conversation?

And then last Sunday, as my husband and I were eating blueberry pancakes in our NYC apartment, talking about this very subject, we turned on the CBS Sunday Morning Show and lo and behold, there he was—Arthur Brooks—the much-revered, oft-quoted reigning guru of happiness.

If you’re not familiar with Brooks, you should know that he’s one of the most interesting people you’ve never heard of. He has been a professional classical musician, a social science researcher, a well-respected and much sought-after public policy analyst, the president of the AEI think tank, the author of dozens of books and articles, a well-known speaker and college professor. He has literally reinvented himself every decade of his adult life and counts the Dalai Lama and Oprah as close personal friends. His immutable goal in all endeavors has been to make the world a better place. Somewhere along that journey, he realized how unhappy a place that world was becoming and maybe just as importantly, that he himself was not especially happy. Thus began a quest to find out how to fix that and when he realized that there was a broad body of research to help him do just that, he worked to package it in a way that was both palatable and inspiring. Since then, millions have read his books, listened to his speeches, downloaded his lectures and have bought wholeheartedly into his idea that we can, in fact, cultivate our own happiness from the inside out.

His course at Harvard University’s Kennedy School has been the most popular course in the history of the university and has spawned many similar courses at other universities, which was exactly what Brooks had in mind. He sees his role as writer, teacher and happiness messenger as being his most viable and sustainable platform from which to address a myriad of complex world problems.

Some of the big ideas that Brooks teaches are that there are aspects of our happiness that we can control and others that we cannot. He posits that 50% of our happiness is rooted in genetics, 25% is circumstantial and 25% is in our habits. Many of the actionable ideas in his model, then, land in the efficacy of our habits and in the specific ways that they may impact the way we live our lives—and ultimately, our happiness. The way Brooks sees it, the “macro-nutrients” of happiness are a combination of enjoyment, satisfaction, and purpose. The “four pillars” that support that trifecta are family, faith, friends, and work. If you’re not getting your macro-nutrients regularly and pouring your precious energy into one of these pillars, he insists, you’re not likely to achieve the happiness you desire.

Other happiness scholars and writers have created similar models. Gretchen Rubin, (The Happiness Project) is a well-known speaker and author who is also interested in the central tenets of happiness and, to that end, has distilled the concept of happiness into four human behaviors, which can be maximized to produce increased happiness: 1. Anticipation (looking forward to it); 2. Savoring (enjoying it in the moment—remember to turn off your cell phone!) 3. Expression (sharing your pleasure with others, to heighten your experience) 4. Reflection (looking back on happy times—so take pictures). Yet another author, Gordon Livingston, suggests that there are three simple, but necessary, requirements for happiness: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.

I think that Brooks—and Rubin and Livingston, as well as many others—have created meaningful paradigms that go a long way in framing the specific ways that human beings can think about and impact their own happiness. I can’t help but notice that they all have one important thing in common: Each is premised on the central idea that if we really want to be happier, we must cultivate change within our own thinking and behavior. This may seem obvious, but I have learned that many people who identify themselves as not being particularly happy point to their circumstances (their jobs, their finances, their relationships) as the reasons. In fact, I used this little writing project as an excuse to ask a number of friends and acquaintances if they considered themselves to be happy. I was surprised to learn that so many people I talked to readily admitted they weren’t particularly happy and went on to identify life issues, big and small, as the reasons.

One conversation, though, resonated deeply with me and that’s where I think I’d like to leave this conversation. This particular friend and I both consider ourselves to be exceptionally happy people and so when I told him what I was writing about this week, we began talking about what the ingredients of our individual brands of happiness might be. We agreed that it has something to do with biology and upbringing, as we both reflected on being excited and exuberant little kids, with passionate and loving mothers; something to do with our inherent capacity for enjoyment; and something to do with our learned notions of higher purpose and service. We both acknowledged that suffering and pain can definitely mute happiness and other things can enhance it, but agreed that true happiness—the kind that we both believe we experience—is completely independent of external forces and conditions and furthermore, that we have significant agency over it.

Although I’m certain I enjoy a genetic predisposition to be happy (thank you, Mom) it still feels like a habit that I have to practice consistently and a choice I make consciously again and again. My friend, on the other hand, understands his own happiness to be rooted deeply in his subconscious—a way of being that has become so natural and essential that he doesn’t even have to think about it. Happiness is like breathing, he explained, and made it simple—and maybe just a little bit inspiring.

Further Reading About Happiness:

Brooks, Arthur C. & Winfrey, Oprah, Build the Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier, 2025

Rubin, Gretchen, The Happiness Project, 2018

Livingston, Gordon, Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart: 30 Things You Need to Know
Now; 2004

https://www.harvardmagazine.com/2022/12/features-arthur-brooks

https://www.teachingandbeing.com/blog/glimmer

https://www.teachingandbeing.com/blog/joy-is-a-habit

https://www.teachingandbeing.com/blog/k42w9kd3aij1wg7prdlcuwp7e91fkc