Making room for “third places” in our high school classrooms

As I was walking into my neighborhood gym early this morning, I ran into an acquaintance from my church and we stopped to have a nice little chat about our recent travels, our new church headquarters and our plans for the rest of the summer. After this brief exchange, we shared a warm hug goodbye, and expressed the hope of running into each other again soon in the neighborhood or at church. Our whole encounter lasted maybe three minutes, but left me feeling unduly happy and connected, especially after being away from my home in NYC for most of the summer. In thinking about it later, I realized that moments like this are part of the reason I love living here. In a city of millions, being friendly with my neighbors, running into an acquaintance in the park, knowing the guy at the fruit stand’s name and being greeted like family at the local bodega are all small things that contribute to a big sense of community—and to my own personal sense of well-being and belonging.

What is it about these moments that make them so powerful? A couple of things stand out: First, they are usually spontaneous and happen in public spaces, where I am simply going about my daily life—or going to work out or to relax. Maybe I’m taking a long walk in my neighborhood park, where I often run into the same people and sometimes stop to chat or when I’m having dinner with my husband at a local restaurant and we end up cheering for our New York Mets at the bar, alongside other regulars. Sometimes, it’s as casual as running into a familiar face at the drug store or my favorite coffee spot or even when I show up to open-play pickleball or to the bar in New York where other alum from my west coast college go to watch our football team on Saturdays. The thing about these encounters is that they are informal and unplanned and almost always happen in public spaces that are accessible to a wide variety of people.

They happen in what are commonly referred to as “third places.”

Coined by American sociologist, Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book The Great Good Place, the term refers to physical spaces outside of the home (the first place) and work/school (the second place) to gather, connect and engage in informal public life. Although few would argue against the importance of healthy relationships in our first and second places, there has been quite a bit of talk lately that suggests that the kind of socializing we do in “third places” is uniquely good for us.

Why is that? Well, according to a number of articles about third places (links attached) there are a myriad of benefits we get from our third place interactions:

• They decrease feelings of personal isolation and loneliness by making us feel connected to other people;

• They foster a sense of belonging and being part of a larger community, which almost always leads to greater civic understanding and engagement;

• They are spontaneous and impromptu, which helps us to improve our social skills and can lead to greater confidence, empathy, and enhanced emotional intelligence, all of which are crucial for navigating the complexities of modern life.

• They often put us in contact with people outside of our regular circles, which can help us to improve our ability to understand different perspectives and also promote cognitive flexibility.

• When individuals feel confident and connected, they are more likely to value and contribute to a cohesive society, where differences are acknowledged and celebrated, rather than feared.

The more I read and thought about third places, the more I began to consider how these ideas might be able to help my high school seniors. At a time when teenagers are busier and more connected than ever, many say they feel lonely and isolated. In fact, according to a recent CDC study, 4 out of 10 high school students report feelings of persistent sadness, a number that is even greater among girls, members of the LGBTQ community and students of color. Data like this, as well as my own experience, has left me believing that time spent thinking about how to help my students feel happier and more connected is time well-spent.

Although, by their very definition, third places are not school and not home, I can’t help but wonder if the principles of the third place might be useful in framing the way we organize some of our time in the high school classroom. If we know that spontaneous, informal interactions—especially with people we don’t know well— have the power to foster community and stave off loneliness and isolation, wouldn’t we want to make room for them in our schools and in our classrooms? Obviously schools have built-in third places—cafeterias, hallways, sports facilities—but for many reasons, these largely unregulated spaces are often fraught with the worst aspects of teenage life, and are often identified as sites where students don’t feel emotionally safe and supported. The best classrooms, on the other hand, can be places where students feel most comfortable engaging in the kinds of third place interactions that foster community and their own sense of belonging.

So, this year, I think I’ll lean into this idea of the third place in my classroom. I will make more time for casual, unmoderated conversation before and after class. During class, I will let my students go off on a tangent, especially when they’re talking about something relevant to their lives. I will create opportunities for them to have small group discussions with classmates they don’t know well and encourage them to get in the habit of stepping out of their comfort zones, especially when it comes to getting to know new people. I will continue to be interested in their lives away from school and continue to share stories about mine. We’ll devote a whole class period or two to an informal conversation about what they’re most worried about as they prepare for college and I’ll ask them to tell me honestly how I can best support them as they navigate the year ahead. I’ll put aside a Friday now and then, so they can listen to music, color mandalas and talk quietly to each other. In short, I will try to make space for them to connect to each other and to me in ways that foster a strong sense of community and help them to feel as if they belong. Will this third place take time away from the second place? Probably. But I’m hoping that the quality and culture of the second place will be so greatly enhanced that it will be worth every minute.

Further reading:

https://greatgoodplace.org/oldenburg-bibliography/

https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2024/p0806-youth-mental-health.html

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1476718X15616833

https://www.shankerinstitute.org/blog/what-are-third-places-and-why-do-they-matter

https://www.shelbystonetherapy.com/blog/2025/1/6/why-third-spaces-matter-for-teens-and-where-to-find-them

https://fomcore.com/the-value-of-creating-a-third-space-in-your-classroom/

https://www.sohoexp.com/insights/third-spaces

https://esl.uchicago.edu/2023/11/01/third-places-what-are-they-and-why-are-they-important-to-american-culture/

https://www.bwgela.com/blog/third-space

https://www.northeastpsychological.com/third-places/